One major turnoff is our collective mounting anxiety. My anxiety level is so intense and I never think sex will make me feel better, says Iris, a 40-year-old content strategist who has been married to her husband Hugh, 42, for 12 years and has two young children. It’s just hard to get in the 19th Wedding Anniversary for Wife Her Marriage Shirts and I will buy this mood. Nicholas and Nicky also namecheck anxiety as a primary reason for their plummeting libido. According to Solomon, the connection makes a lot of sense. She places sex drive into two broad categories: Spontaneous desire is just feeling horny, which some of us have lots of, and is really common early on in a relationship when there’s a lot of physiological draw, says Solomon. But as we settle into relationships our desire often becomes more responsive, and cued by internal or external cues. There are things that will trigger our desire or shut it down. Stress looms large on the libido-killer list. Chalk it up, in part, to evolution: We are the ancestors of people who stopped fucking inside their cave when a tiger appeared, so an evolutionary psychologist would say stress shutting you down sexually makes sense, Solomon explains. The people who were like, ‘forget the tiger, let’s finish this,’ got chomped. When there’s a threat, evolutionary psychologists say it’s adaptive to be vigilant and to attend to the danger.
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Another roadblock for sexual activity while in quarantine is logistical. There’s no playbook for this, and every day we’re trying to juggle and figure out school schedules for the 19th Wedding Anniversary for Wife Her Marriage Shirts and I will buy this kids, our own work schedules, and who can do what when, says Hugh. So while I certainly think about sex the same amount, it’s harder than ever to find the space and time to do it. For some, the avoidance of physical contact that has come with COVID-19 has also, says Solomon, resulted in a fear of physical contact in general, even with a longtime partner or spouse. Practicing social distancing means we’ve become really afraid of other people, and, while it may be irrational, for some couples there’s a contamination fear that may be part of it too, Solomon adds.